Uber Adventures: Guelph Homecoming

For you loyal readers, yes you’re that one person who has read my previous five installments of uber adventures, here is the long-awaited sixth edition. Just to explain the delay, Uber changed the requirements due to a bylaw changes in Waterloo Region. However, I drive in Guelph, which is not part of Waterloo Region, not that Uber knows the difference. This made it incredibly confusing to figure out what I needed to get back on the road. I’m convinced there is no worse customer service in the World than Uber’s current service team. No matter what you ask them, they will do everything to avoid answering your question. That is if they even bother reading the message you sent them.

Finally, I got back on the road, almost 10 months later, starting in time for the University of Guelph’s homecoming. If you have never been to a Guelph homecoming, it breaks down like this. Starting around 9:00 a.m. or earlier for the keen student, pancake keggers are hosted throughout the south end of Guelph, namely the Ironwood area. Those keggers usually go until noon when people head over to the stadium for the game. After the game, people rest up before going out at night.

However, this year was different. The weather was extremely warm, in the 30s for most of the day. Instead of going to the game, students partied from 9:00 a.m. until around 1:00 a.m. I started driving around 10:45 a.m., and went till about 1:15 a.m., with an hour break for gas and food in the middle. From the time I started until the time I ended, I drove people from party to party. A lot of trips went to Chancellors Way, which are about eight buildings dedicated to students off-campus. Every year since they were built, Chancellors Way has had the most noise complaints in Guelph by a wide margin.

People ask me why I drive for Uber. My answer is almost always the same, it can pay well and it is incredible entertainment. The next story might be the best story I have ever had.

I picked up three girls around the corner from my house to drive them to Chancellors Way. The girls are like most people on homecoming, incredibly intoxicated. When people are so intoxicated, they sometimes don’t realize that there is a complete stranger driving them. Well, these girls start talking and discussing boys. One of them mentions Clint James (name changed), to which one of the girls says “I think I had anal with him.” The one girl, unsure is then asked by her other friend, “what, when? A year ago, a few months ago?” The unsure if she said anal sex with Clint James “Two days.” Yes, she was unsure if she had anal sex with this person two days ago!

I should have written this earlier because I have forgotten most of what happened after that. However, I kept thinking to myself, how do you not know. The girls continued talking for the remainder of the trip, in total it was less than a five-minute ride but they kept talking and being confused how this girl was so unsure if she did or did not have anal with some random guy.