Homecoming weekend at any university guarantees one thing, a lot of extremely intoxicated students. For some of these degenerates, they have been drinking since the time they woke up. For a lot of students, they will ultimately drink way too much. Some students many call it a night early and go home. Others don’t know where home is. Some make it into someone else’s home. Eventually they will all need to find their way home.
My plan had been to drive almost the entire day. But my friend called me and I was off in another city helping them out for most of the day. Thankfully I got home just after midnight and immediately started Ubering. My phone was constantly getting the notification from Uber. For three hours, I was going from pickup to drop off to pick up. It’s great when you are consistently booked. The less idle time, the more you make.
My second pickup of the night proved to be one of my most entertaining rides yet. I pulled up to a house on one of the more busy streets in the city. On the lawn are a lot of drunken students. They are clearly having a party but nothing out of hand. I see a few people coming from the group of roughly 12 on the front lawn. Then out of nowhere, a body rises from the ground. It’s like a dead body being picked up. This girl has no strength, cannot walk and no idea where she is. Thankfully she had some great friends. One of them comes up to me and ask if I will drive her extremely drunk friend home. Of course she says her friend hasn’t puked in about five minutes… But she is great enough to ask if I would like a bucket for her. For future reference, the answer is always yes!
So after, they get the passed out girl into the car, with her bucket. They even did up her seat belt. Not that she knew where she was. Her head was arched forward and into the bucket. Just over two kilometers later, I drop her and two friends off at the residence. They go and get help for this girl. For 20 minutes I sit in my car while they examine this girl. The meter is still running. I made almost $20 for sitting there. But I have to say, if you are drunk, the friends this girl has are the type of friends you want. They even left me a comment afterwards about how thankful they were that I drove her home.
Immediately after dropping off the girl with the bucket, I picked up a group of friends who wanted to go to the strip club. I don’t know what these people do, but they clearly have a lot of extra money to spend. I don’t know how they make their money, because they were all poorly groomed and looked kind of homeless. We get talking and the one guy says “cocaine and strippers don’t mix.” He then describes how he spent several hundred dollars in a booth at the strip club, while high on cocaine. I guess doing cocaine off a stripper’s ass isn’t all its cut out to be.
As I dropped them off at the strip club, I picked up my next ride. Three guys in their early 20s get in. They tell me about how they couldn’t get into any downtown bar with it being homecoming and had to settle for the strip club. What they didn’t know is how much money they would spend. By the time they left the strip club, they had each spent over $150 dollars. They spent the rest of the trip being angry for spending so much money. All I have to say is good for you girls at the strip club for making money.
The majority of my rides the rest of the night were rather quiet. Nothing exciting, except for a few rather attractive passengers. But around 3 I picked up a trio of girls who wanted me to take them to McDonald’s. That sounds normal enough. But what makes it more notable is that they didn’t know where they were. They thought they were in a city 45 minutes away. Hearing them attempt to order was difficult. They could barely string together a sentence.
The following week, did not have many exciting drives either. Just a couple of drunken guys, who had me go to a party where they picked up a couple of girls out of both of their leagues. Now these guys also fall into the category of guys who need to learn how to talk to women. I can’t belief how rude and disgusting these guys were. Lucky for them, these girls didn’t seem to mind. The two guys and two girls proceeded to make fun of a guy one of the girls had slept with for having a small penis…
It really is amazing what drink people will say when a total stranger is driving you. Although, I am sure that sometimes they do not even realize I am in the car.
Weekly Earnings: $198.50 in 5 hours 46 minutes
Weekly Earnings: $71.44 in 2 hours 37 minutes
Lifetime Earnings: $606.06 in 22 hours 49 minutes