Uber Adventures 2: Sexual Innuendo and Jamaican Money

Week number two as I drive the streets for Uber. With it still being early in the school year, the university students are still going out every night of the week except for Wednesday and Sunday.

My week started off on a Monday night, driving people home from the bars or whatever place they have ended up at and need to get home from. Where I live, Monday is dollar beer night. It’s a complete gimmick as it’s not a full beer you are getting for a dollar. In fact, it is cheaper to buy a bottle then the tiny cup they give you.

As I waited outside for the person to come, I don’t remember their name, but it was a guy’s name. But outcomes a hot blonde girl who gets in my car, I think we are waiting for someone else, but nope it’s just her. I explain that I was expecting a guy and not her. She tells me, that her friend ordered the Uber for her, so she could get home. She then, says that she is just friends with this guy and insists she is not sleeping with him. As I struggle to get a word in, I tell her I don’t care if she was. Like come on girl, just do you. If you want to get laid, go get laid. She continues to talk about her just being friends with this guy, I think his name was Kyle. But if I got it wrong, who cares. I continue to respond with sarcastic answers. It’s the rides like this that are the fun ones, where the person is outgoing and nice. It’s the perk of the job.

Another thing, I am continually being told, that I am really young for an Uber driver. I guess that must be true, because I get it a few times a night. The second thing people always ask me is if I set my own hours. Yes, I do. I can go online whenever I want to.

Tuesday night, is tequila night. Two dollar shots of tequila can either be a ton of fun, or a complete disaster for other people. Either way, it’s a ton of fun for me. As you may have guessed, the bar is a filled with people mostly aged 17 to 22, The floors are sticky, and it’s not uncommon for you to find puke in the bathroom, or some sex act being performed in the bar. I’m sure my friend who bounces or used to bounce there has a ton of stories about it.

But back to the driving stories. I go to pick up a group of four girls in the townhouse compound across from my old high school. It’s about a five minute ride down to the bars and this ride was incredibly entertaining. About a minute into the ride, the girls in the back begin talking about road head. And if you think it stopped there, no it only got better. They then asked their friend in the front seat if she had ever given road head. They continued, by saying she hadn’t. She snaps back at them saying that she had indeed. Then the girls ask me if as an Uber driver, I am allowed to have sex with my passengers. I don’t know the answer to that question, but I think it’s safe to assume the answer is no. A few minutes later, we were downtown and they were asking, and hoping that I would again be their ride home. Unfortunately for them, and maybe fortunately for myself, I was not their ride home.

Thursday night, is the designed country night for people in the city. The only problem for them, the country bar is in the north end of the city, away from just about everything. The stories Thursday could not live up to the previous days, but someone gave me a tip. I’m not sure they intended to but they did. The person took out a bill in their wallet. I’m not why exactly. Uber charges your credit card so you don’t have to pay. But he took out a bill, I could see the 100 on it, but couldn’t see what currency it was. I was hoping that this extremely drunk person, was degenerated enough to leave me $100 Benjamins, but unfortunately no. I got $100 in Jamaican currency. After a quick google search, I found out, that is worth about $1.13 Canadian.

Towards the end of the night, I picked up two extremely intoxicated degenerates. Turns out we went to the same high school, although they were both six years younger than me. These guys kept offering me poutine, and talking about the freshman fifteen. Serious, these guys were so rude and disgusting when they talked about women, that I doubt any woman would ever let one of them touch them. They also seemed incredibly dumb. I don’t think they have much of a chance of graduating their college programs. It’s time for you two to grow up.

Weekly Earnings $133.00 in 8 hours 11 minutes

Lifetime Earnings: $336.12 in 14 hours 26 minutes

I am learning that Uber, is only worth driving for, if it is surging. I really don’t think it is cheaper than cabs when there is a surge. But with cabs, you never know if one will actually show up. With Uber, at least users always know when they are getting a car.


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